a meme before lunch

Taking a break from cross-eyed order entry at work.

1. My uncle once: bought me the coolest Lego set available in my childhood–the castle.

2. Never in my life: will I do something I know I will one day regret.

3. When I was five: I got a little brother.

4. High school was: where I cultivated my finely honed nerdiness combined with a fierce need to compete.

5. I will never forget: all of the helping verbs (is are was were be being am have had has do does did may might must can could shall should will would).

6. Once I met: Bryan, I knew I was set.

7. There’s this boy I know: and he’s an asshole boy trapped in an incompetent, homophobic man’s body. I hope he gets shitcanned.

8. Once, at a bar: I dropped a full pint of beer, told my pal the bartender I was probably done drinking, then ordered another one.

9. By noon, I’m usually: ready for lunch.

10. Last night: I cooked a feast for Bryan and our houseguests.

11. If only I had: another bike.

12. Next time I go to church: I will probably not be at the one I grew up in.

13. What worries me most: is putting together money for a down payment on a house. But I’m still not that worried because I don’t worry much.

14. When I turn my head left I see: two printers and three post-it notes stuck to the wall.

15. When I turn my head right I see: Garrett’s desk.

16. You know I’m lying when: I tell you I’m lying.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: being a kid and having no responsibilities.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: one of the characters who appears in the first act, has one or two lines, then doesn’t appear again.

19. By this time next year: I will be preparing to go to EuroBike.

20. A better name for me would be: Darland Sasacha.

21. I have a hard time understanding: how stupid people got to be that way.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be in grad school, pissing away money to get another degree in a subject I love but won’t use.

23. You know I like you if: I actually listen when you talk to me.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Bryan, because he probably was the reason I tried in the first place.

25. Take my advice, never: take my advice.

26. My ideal breakfast is: coffee and something made at home. Served around noon.

27. A song I love but do not have is: a song I haven’t heard yet. I’m buried in music and I have a compulsion to own it if I like it.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: think of things to do that don’t require being in my hometown..

29. Why won’t people: actually think before they speak?

30. If you spend a night at my house: you should be someone who doesn’t mind 87 pounds of neurotic labrador retriever mix.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: nothing. And I didn’t.

32. The world could do without: 90% of the population.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat raisins.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Bryan! Bottled blonde counts, eh?

35. Paper clips are more useful than: not having paper clips.

36. If I do anything well it’s: sleeping. I should be in the Olympics.

37. I can’t help but: I might try.

38. I usually cry: on the 12th of Never. I can’t remember the last time I cried.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: only idiots say “don’t sweat the small stuff.” Ultimately only the small stuff makes a difference.

40. And by the way: I’m having a good day.