we could be heroes

Yes, our staff is interesting. This afternoon I’m asked, out of the blue, what super power I would like to have, if I could have any at all. There were the typical ones being bandied about: flying, telekenesis, super-strength, mind-reading. I didn’t really have a good answer, so I said I’d get back to them.

Not long after this, I’m stopped by a customer. (A variation of this scene happens at least once a day.) I’m carrying a large red bin full of product. This bin can not be confused with anything offered to customers for carrying their goods. Our customer baskets and carts are all black. I’m wearing my nametag on a lanyard around my neck. It includes both my name, and the company name. The woman stops, looks at my red bin, tilts her head and reads my nametag, and then says, “Do you work here?” My biggest peeve. It’s not a pet peeve. It’s a feral, giant, rampaging wildebeest of a peeve. Now possibly there is a moment of confusion, because regular sales specialists wear kelly green vests with nametags, and managers just wear lanyards with nametags. (We do this so we can rush from point A to point B with less change of being stopped.) But after seeing (and appearing to read) the name tag, wouldn’t you think it would trigger the They Work Here reaction? Also, dear illiterate customer, please note that I both wear and name tag and ask you if you need help. This is a clue that I am an employee of the store you are in.

Thus I’ve realized what my super power would be. I want the power to make stupidity painful. If people ask me especially stupid questions, I want to make them feel as though they’ve been kicked in the kidneys. Or make them feel long periods of brain freeze. If stupidity were painful, people would be less stupid (out loud). And really, that’s all I ask.